Ting som er dritt: A?l pA? byen

TEKST AV: Johannes Steen, nyhetsjournalist i Studvest. FOTO: TORIL SUNDE APELTHUN

TEKST AV: Johannes Steen, nyhetsjournalist i Studvest. FOTO: TORIL SUNDE APELTHUN

A?l pA? byen suger. Big time.

Apropos

Apropos er den frie spalten der Studvest-journalistene kan skrive om akkurat det de vil. SprA?ket er ofte i muntlig form, og med et glimt i A?yet. OBS! Spalten har hA?y forekomst av satire, sarkasme og ironi, og bA?r tas med en klype (noenAi??ganger en neve) salt.

Vi studenter er opptatt av A?l. Ai?? ha oversikt over hvor pA? byen det finnes billig A?l er for de fleste av oss vel sA? viktig som oversikt over for eksempel pensum og andre annenrangselementer. Jeg vil imidlertid gjennom en skildring av ukentlige erfaringer fortelle deg hvorfor denne brune gleden kan sidestilles med den jeg legger i doskA?la hver morgen.

Du kjenner fA?lelsen. Du har vAi??rt pA? vorspiel og du har drukket dine medbrakte A?l som du med sikkerhet har slA?tt fast at skal holde for hele kvelden. Likevel kjenner du tA?rsten melde sin ankomst i det du kommer inn pA? lokalet pA? byen. Et glass i hA?nda vil dessuten gi deg en mer avslappet og selvsikker look nA?r du skal bort og sjekke opp hun sA?te borti hjA?rnet.

Da hjelper det altsA? ikke at du drakk i Petter Solberg-tempo pA? vorset; en ny pils mA? du ha. Du observerer dessuten at pilsen bare koster 46 kroner, og det ville da vAi??re en skammelig slA?sing av penger A? ikke kjA?pe minst Ai??n!

Du har kriget deg frem i kA?en, fA?tt deg en halvliter (som til din skuffelse egentlig er 0,4), og har fA?tt reorganisert deg med gjengen igjen. De har trukket mot gulvet, for nA? skal det danses! Du er ikke dA?rligere, og tar sA?ledes med deg A?len din ut pA? syndenes parkett.

Slager etter slager dunker ut av hA?yttalerne, og med det kommer problemene. A?len din skvulper, og du mA? kombinere heite moves med avansert balanseteknikk, noe som begrenser deg stort. Gradvis blir A?len din, som du fA?rst priset deg sA?Ai??lykkelig for, det stA?rste irritasjonselementet i hele rommet. SkjAi??rende gjensynsgledeshyl fra folk som aldri ville anerkjent hverandres eksistens pA? gata, samt det at alle absolutt skal mumle alt annet enn ordet Ai??despacitoAi?? i Ai??DespacitoAi?? pA? liksomspansk, blir sekundAi??rt (og det sier faen ikke lite). Du speeder opp drikkinga betraktelig, og du deler ut slurker i hytt og gevAi??r til alle rundt deg i en herpesfest som kun er slA?tt av Norway Cup-disco da du var fjorten.

A?len er omsider konsumert (du drakk cirka halvparten selv), og ikke lenge etter mA?ter du kjentfolk som du vil sitte ned og prate med. Du kjenner deg atter en gang tA?rst, og trangen etter et glass A? ha i hA?nden melder seg pA? ny. Du kjA?per fort en ny A?l (den koster jo bare 46 kroner!), og fA?r du vet ordet av det smeller den sangen som dere bare Ai??mA?A? danse tilAi?? pA? anlegget. Du tar med A?len og hopper tilbake til avsnitt fem. Repeter sA? i det uendelige.

Fuck A?l pA? byen.

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